Courage

Courage

by Roderick Morth

When I was five years old they thought I had the flu. What we thought would be a quick trip to the doctor for something to make me feel better turned out to be a year of battles, one after another while I fought for my life against a brain stem tumor. That trip has made my life a series of events that have taught me what courage is all about.

Courage is what it took to enter kindergarten just a week after my treatment ended. I was skinny, shiny bald, and clumsy but I was cancer free. Now it was time to see what I could do, or should I say what I couldn’t do. The cancer and treatment had left me deaf in one ear, my balance was lousy and my ability to learn was slow.

When we moved away from my first school, I needed courage to enter a whole new world and face what for others came easy. At first they were all nice because I was the new kid. Soon they got tired of helping me and became quick to laugh as I struggled. They weren’t always real nice when the teacher would leave the room, or when the special ed. teachers would come to take me out for help. It took courage every day to face the hallways of the elementary school. Who would come up behind me and make fun or worse yet, what was I going to do at recess! I would look for the faces of the few kids that I considered my real friends, and my older sister. They were able to give me the courage to be myself and have some fun.

Fun is a natural part of a kid’s life. I did have fun growing up. I have a big family who has never treated me any different because of my disabilities. It’s not that things haven’t been different for me, but that never changed how they treated me. Learning to ride a bike usually takes a child a week or so of courageous tries and major wipeouts. For me it took a series of about 5 years of trying – then giving up and riding a big three wheeler. Finally when I was thirteen years old I refused to give up. Lousy balance or not, I learned to ride. It took a lot of courage to stay on that wobbling bicycle, but not much more than it did to ride that big three wheeler past kids at the pool and not be hurt by the remarks they would make.

It took me five years to learn the bike thing, but my next set of wheels is a little faster. After multiple tries at the written test, I did it!! The driving test was as bad as everyone said it would be. It took me 3 exams to finally park in between those flags, but I did it!! I now have a license to drive a car because I had the courage and determination to stick to it.

High school students hear all the time, have the courage to “say no to drugs” or “be yourself”. For me it takes more courage to stand up for myself to my teachers. As crazy as it sounds I get the most frustrated when people won’t let me fail. Usually my assignments are modified before I am given the chance to try. This year I try hard to tell them when I think I can do it on my own.

Do I consider myself to be courageous? I didn’t, until I started writing this essay. I guess I never really thought about what courage was to me. The years have gone by and I the small five year old boy have grown into a seventeen year old student. It has been twelve courageous years of trying to be like everyone else. Now I know will never be like everyone else, but I hope someday someone will want to be like me. I look to the future, knowing that I will need courage; the courage to leave home and make a life for myself, and the courage to continue to say “I can do it”! I believe courage comes from within and I know I have it in me.