By Caitlin Lunday

(reprinted with permission)

“You have to face your fears before they take over.”  This quotation is from one of the bravest girls I knew.  Her name was Monica Hatch and I will never forget the impression she and many others similar to her made on my life.  At a camp site in Minnesota there is a cancer camp called Kamp K.A.C.E.  At this camp any child between the ages of 6 and 18 that have been affected by cancer is invited.  A child cancer patient and his or her siblings can attend.  K.A.C.E. stands for kids against cancer everywhere.  My family never knew that such a thing existed until the day that changed my life forever.

Bailey, my older sister, was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 7.  The doctors thought it was the flu, so the cancer went undetected for a couple months.  When my sister started treatment, the doctor was honest and told her he had no clue if she would live.  They had an experimental treatment they could try but no guarantee of her survival.  After three long years the cancer was declared “defeated” and she was done with treatment.  Thankfully she has stayed in complete remission since then.  But this story isn’t about her years of battling cancer; it’s about Lance’s and Monica’s.  Due to the fact that Bailey had cancer, we were now welcomed into Kamp K.A.C.E. where our eyes were opened to the impact of cancer.

I was allowed to go at the young age of six to attend with my sisters.  Everything there was not like how a normal person would assume it to be.  At that camp every camper left their illness and troubles at the gate.  Everyone got a chance to act like the normal kids they should have been if cancer didn’t impact their lives.  There were kids there that were still receiving treatment at the time, like Bailey, and there were kids that were done with treatment hopefully for good.  I made many friends at camp-some for a day and some for years.  Most of these friends were in my age group and others were in my oldest half-sister’s age group.  The older friends should have been classified as babysitters more than friends.  I had friends who were a sibling, like me, a cancer patient, or a cancer survivor.  We got to swim, play games, dance, and fish.  We got to do many things.  I cried leaving camp the first year.  I left behind all my friends and the cool, awesome counselors.  One scary thing that I didn’t realize for a couple of years is sometimes those friends don’t come back.

My first couple years at camp we didn’t have any campers that lost the fight to cancer.  That was what caused the young illusion that cancer wasn’t deadly in kids.  I remember meeting Monica for the first time.  She had an awesome fold up purple flowery cane and her smile was the biggest I’ve ever seen.  I was jealous though when I found out she got to get rides in the golf carts.  My counselors explained it was just so she wouldn’t get tired from walking the long distances she was still weak from treatment.  She explained to me what cancer she had but I was too young to understand.  We talked about the usual stupid kid things like school, favorites, and cute boys at camp.  We weren’t the closet of friends but who can get close with only a week.  I never saw her with hair on her head which wasn’t unusual there.  That’s how I became friends with Lance.  Everyone called him “Fuzzy-was-he” because all he ever had was peach fuzz.  Since I was older by a few years I easily bugged him trying to help make his camp years funny.  Both these kids left marks on my heart.

In 2007 my family did the usual fuss of trying to get to camp on time.  We got there and I noticed Monica wasn’t in my cabin or my sister’s which meant she wasn’t at camp.  At the usual ceremony they said everyone survived.  I was very confused especially when my counselor, Amy, came up and told me I was wanted in cabin A.  I went to the cabin to find my sisters’ cabin all gathered around trying to figure out what this talk was about.  They assumed it was about the pranks they pulled last year.  We waited for what seemed like hours until Marcia came into the cabin.

“Everyone in this cabin knows who Monica Hatch is right?” Marcia asked.  When everyone was done murmuring yes she continued, “She has had a rough year.”  The girl next to me started to cry and my blood ran cold.  “She has been taken off treatment because the cancer has been determined as terminal.  The doctors tried everything up until now to keep her healthy enough to come to camp one last time.  This was her last wish to go to camp once more to wish you all a goodbye.  Now I have to warn you she looks rough.”  My eyes were starting to water along with everyone else’s.  “The tumor in her stomach has grown a lot.  Her friends walk to the other side of the street to avoid contact with her.  I’m asking you guys to help make her one day at camp, tomorrow, as good as it can be even just walking up and saying ‘Hi Monica’ will do.”

The next day I ditched my cabin and hung out with Monica from the moment I saw her to the moment she had to leave.  I worked my hardest to make it seem like I wasn’t doing it out of pity although I will never forget how she looked.  You could see every bone in her body.  The tumor was so big she looked pregnant, and she was in a wheelchair, but despite everything, she was still smiling.  She was fearless knowing she was so close to death but not acknowledging it.  She taught me that strength is measured by how much you’re put through but still can smile sincerely.  She also showed that hope is everywhere, you just have to look for it.  She also proved that heroes are everywhere but just in hiding.

My favorite unknown hero is Lance.  In the three years I was friends with him I never once heard out of his mouth a sob story about cancer.  I honestly have no clue what type of cancer he had for all I knew he was in remission and just shaved his head.  Two years after Monica’s passing, in 2009, I went to camp ready to hug Lance and rub his head as I always did as a type of hello.  I couldn’t find him in the crowd of campers, which didn’t surprise me since the crowd is usually huge.  As the day progressed I thought he was avoiding me.  Finally Amy and I started talking about the survivors.  She randomly proclaimed, “I’m going to miss seeing Lance’s smiling face and those lame jokes”

“Which Lance are you talking about? And why did he not want to come anymore?”  I asked.

“It was ‘Fuzzy-Was-He’ and he didn’t survive.”  Amy replied.

I was distraught.  I didn’t expect this since I never knew what kind of cancer he was battling and at that moment I didn’t know if I could manage to get that question out.  There are many confusing things in our lives but to meet a kid who never tried to get attention using his terminal illness is something I can’t figure out.  People try to get as much attention as possible out of a twisted ankle but yet this 11-year old boy never once admitted he was losing the battle to cancer.  Lance is forever my hero along with Monica and countless other cancer patients I met at that camp.  I’m glad I got to experience that camp.

“Live each day as it comes to the fullest because God never promised anyone tomorrow.”  This is a quote from the bravest girl I knew.  Many lessons can be learned from Monica and Lance; hope is everywhere you just have to look for it, strength is measured by how much you’re put through but still can smile sincerely, and heroes are everywhere just in hiding.  An important lesson I learned from these two young angels is that an ending can mean many things whether it is a new life, a new beginning, or no more pain.

These entries demonstrate firsthand the impact that Kamp KACE has on both children who have cancer (Monica) and their siblings (such as Cody, Monica’s brother).

Sunday, February 26, 2006

I found out while I was at the hospital that one of … Cody’s friends passed away. Poor Cody will miss his poker friend [John] at camp [Kamp KACE]…

Sunday, April 9, 2006

We do chemo on the 24th of April, the 15th of May, the 5th of June, CT scan on the 26th … of June and then July 10th we do surgery. Dr. K [Kobrinsky, Monica’s pediatric oncologist and one of the doctors who stays at Kamp] says I have to heal fast so I can go to camp in August.

Friday, May 12, 2006

And surgery is still in July so she will have lots of time to recuperate before it and then after it to make sure she makes it to camp.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

It made Cody feel good to light it [a luminary at the annual Relay for Life walk] and to explain to his friends about his other friends from camp.

Friday, July 7, 2006

[Written by Monica] Dr. K asked if I would be ready for camp and I told him I would be. I refuse to miss camp because of surgery.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

… we start radiation as soon as she heals from surgery… This will fall during camp which Dr. Kobrinsky assures us he will have no problem taking her to [Fargo] daily and back to camp.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

She gets to go home tomorrow… And she gets to go to camp. That right there is reason enough to get out of here and get better she thinks.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Camp starts next week so I am hoping that being at camp will help with some of her depression.

Saturday, August 5, 2006

Camp is tomorrow… I am hoping camp will help Monica get over this funk she has found herself in and Cody will … get together with his friends and realize he isn’t alone in feeling left out of things. … Monica is hoping to be able to talk to them [camp counselors Lori and Melissa] about things that are bothering her through all of this… Dr. Kobrinsky has offered to drive her to radiation and back to camp so she can continue to go to camp.

Monday, August 14, 2006

… camp is over and the kids had a great time. Yet again… camp seems to have gotten her out of her depression… She is a happy kid again.

Monday, April 9, 2007

She just finally … realized that she isn’t going to survive this cancer… He [Dr. Kobrinsky] gave her the option of continuing with chemo … She wanted to give it one more try… She wants to make it to … Camp KACE one last time…

Monday, April 16, 2007

… The chemotherapy is not working. …So we are now completely out of options… He [Dr. Konbrinsky] said it could be a week…could be a month…could be a year… She… made a deal with God. She wants to make one last year of camp. Kamp KACE has been her favorite since she started there 3 years ago. And she wants to make one more.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Monica and Dr K … agreed to do a new shot to try and help her make it to camp.

Friday, June 8, 2007

She started a new shot yesterday … to help stop the growth of the tumor so she could make it to camp.

Monday, July 2, 2007

She is a bit wobbly when she walks but she has been taking walks nightly to try and build her stamina back up. She wants to walk for camp…

Friday, July 6, 2007

Dr. K did give her an option with a chemotherapy pill. She agreed to start that on Monday… This just to get her to camp.

Monday, July 16, 2007

We still aren’t sure she gets to go to camp…

Friday, July 20, 2007

The next step is getting Dr K to allow Monica to go to camp. And since she seems to be walking a lot better even with the fluid retention and she seems to be handling her pain better we are hoping that he will say yes.

Monday, July 30th

I really hope Dr K let’s her go to camp next week. If only so she can be with people who care and know what she is going through.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

No camp. Absolutely no camp. Her health has gotten so bad that she can’t possibly make it to camp.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Cody is at camp. It was tough taking him without Monica. …But we got to take her to visit today. It was great for her and for the kids at camp. The kids had made signs for her … telling her how much they loved and missed her. Britney [a fellow teenager with cancer] being one of the first [to greet Monica]. She was one of the first we met the first year the kids went to camp and has been special to us ever since. Clint [a Kamp KACE counselor] was also there…with his smile…making sure Monica had a smile on her face as well. She got to visit with the girls in her old cabin and visit with almost all of the counselors…then her and Clint had their own time to visit and just be the great friends they are. …

At camp they don’t feel like the sick kid…or the bald kid…or the brother or sister of the sick kid…they feel like normal kids doing normal things and having normal conversations about boys or make up or whatever. …

Today was long but worth it. She needed it… and to be honest I needed it. Monica knows now that … the kids there still think of her and will miss her when she is gone.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Today was long but well worth it. We went to pick up Cody from camp today and took Monica along. We got to see the kids from camp perform a circus act… which made Monica smile. She got her face painted by a professional clown… even though she hates clowns she allowed it. And she got to see the kids at camp one last time. Clint and Brittney and Mikayla and Lori and Melissa, Hillery, Janeen, Dr K, all of them.

And lastly,

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Monica earned her angels wings at 10:50 am this morning.

by Roderick Morth

Rodney Morth

When I was five years old they thought I had the flu.   What we thought would be a quick trip to the doctor for something to make me feel better turned out to be a year of battles, one after another while I fought for my life against a brain stem tumor.  That trip has made my life a series of events that have taught me what courage is all about.

Courage is what it took to enter kindergarten just a week after my treatment ended.  I was skinny, shiny bald, and clumsy but I was cancer free.  Now it was time to see what I could do, or should I say what I couldn’t do.  The cancer and treatment had left me deaf in one ear, my balance was lousy and my ability to learn was slow.

When we moved away from my first school, I needed courage to enter a whole new world and face what for others came easy.    At first they were all nice because I was the new kid.  Soon they got tired of helping me and became quick to laugh as I struggled. They weren’t always real nice when the teacher would leave the room, or when the special ed. teachers would come to take me out for help.  It took courage every day to face the hallways of the elementary school. Who would come up behind me and make fun or worse yet, what was I going to do at recess!  I would look for the faces of the few kids that I considered my real friends, and my older sister.  They were able to give me the courage to be myself and have some fun.

Fun is a natural part of a kid’s life.  I did have fun growing up.  I have a big family who has never treated me any different because of my disabilities.  It’s not that things haven’t been different for me, but that never changed how they treated me.  Learning to ride a bike usually takes a child a week or so of courageous tries and major wipeouts.  For me it took a series of about 5 years of trying – then giving up and riding a big three wheeler.  Finally when I was thirteen years old I refused to give up.  Lousy balance or not, I learned to ride.  It took a lot of courage to stay on that wobbling bicycle, but not much more than it did to ride that big three wheeler past kids at the pool and not be hurt by the remarks they would make.

It took me five years to learn the bike thing, but my next set of wheels is a little faster. After multiple tries at the written test, I did it!!  The driving test was as bad as everyone said it would be.   It took me 3 exams to finally park in between those flags, but I did it!!  I now have a license to drive a car because I had the courage and determination to stick to it.

High school students hear all the time, have the courage to   “say no to drugs” or  “be yourself”.  For me it takes more courage to stand up for myself to my teachers.  As crazy as it sounds I get the most frustrated when people won’t let me fail.   Usually my assignments are modified before I am given the chance to try.  This year I try hard to tell them when I think I can do it on my own.

Do I consider myself to be courageous?  I didn’t, until I started writing this essay.  I guess I never really thought about what courage was to me.  The years have gone by and I the small five year old boy have grown into a seventeen year old student.  It has been twelve courageous years of trying to be like everyone else.  Now I know will never be like everyone else, but I hope someday someone will want to be like me.    I look to the future, knowing that I will need courage; the courage to leave home and make a life for myself, and the courage to continue to say “I can do it”!  I believe courage comes from within and I know I have it in me.